Last Fall was one of the most hectic semesters of my life,
- I woke up everyday at 6:00 a.m in order to get ready for soccer practice at 7:00 a.m.
- On Mondays, Thursdays: Class all day from 11:00 a.m - 9:00 p.m
- On Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays: Work from 8:30 a.m - 5 p.m
- Throughout each week, we had 2-3 soccer matches (if we were a minute late to practice we were not allowed to participate)
- I'd work remotely for Southern's Event Department (online newsletter)
- For 7-10 hours a week, I'd grow Hen House Co's brand by creating content, managing its social media outlets, and implementing marketing strategy.
The list went on, but I say all of this to say I still had no excuse. I had no excuse for being so distant from everyone that I cared about. I had no excuse for failing to be there for the people that had been there for me. I had no excuse for taking my stress and frustration out on the people that were just trying to help. Just recently, my friend asked me why I hadn't been replying to her texts or answering her calls when all she wanted to know was if I had been doing well. My brother told me that he felt like I forgot about him, that hurt. A few close friends of mine from church said the same.
Then I remembered,
I remembered all of the times I clicked the "I can't talk right now" option when someone called, I remembered how often I would cut conversations short or say I'll be right back knowing full well that I wouldn't. I remembered laying on my bed with my face down after a long day and lashing out on my roommates when they just wanted to make sure I was alright.
The truth is, I shouldn't have let the circumstances I was under affect how I treated the people around me, especially when the people around me are probably the only reason why I was able to manage those circumstances in the first place. I needed to show up for people, and I failed. In fact, I failed so tremendously that I wouldn't even allow people to show up for me. Instead of taking advantage of all of the opportunities I had to build relationships with people, to be there for people when they needed me, I decided to sulk in personal misery. I chose to be frustrated, even after there wasn't anything to be frustrated about. I wanted to be angry, when I could've had joy. I learned something important, its fine to be busy, its not fine to let it come at the expense of how you treat other people. It should not affect the way you love people, because our accomplishments and achievements are meaningless if we don't love well.
I can't make excuses, I need to show up, we all need to show up.